The Adventures of Sir Owen the Pervert
by Evilstrawberry
Summary: Drunken thoughts and a little looking where he shouldn't from our dear Owen. Set after Lady Knight.


**The adventures of Sir Owen the Pervert and Lady Kel's Not-melons**

It all started with a drink. Just one drink. Dom bought it for her. Kel never did take to drinking, usually preferring fruit juice or water. For some reason tonight, she'd accepted the drink. Maybe because Dom had already bought it for her. Or maybe because everyone else was getting so into the celebrations. One drink couldn't hurt, could it? Whatever the reason, Kel started with a light ale, then a few light ales. Before anyone knew it, she was downing the heavier stuff with the pros.

And now she is here, sitting on my lap. More accurately, slumped on my lap after she stumbled. I moved her so I could comfortable hold her up, with my arms wrapped around her stomach, her weight on my leg and her back resting against my chest. It seemed like the right thing to do. Couldn't let her fall to the ground! But then again my mind was slightly addled with my own drinks and thinking thing through had never been my strong point. It had seemed like a good idea at the time. How was I to know I would see to some… unforseen consequences..

I shouldn't look, Dom defiantly wouldn't appreciate it. He'd probably kick my backside all the way back to the palace if he knew. The easy going sergeant is renowned for being slightly protective of his Lady Knight.

Seems Kel is the giggly, sleepy type of drunk.

The other party goers had all been singing and rough housing in their usual rowdy way and I was slightly slumped in the corner, tired and apparently not as seasoned as the others. But it was all jolly good fun and I was enjoying observing the party. I was happily watching Kel smiling and flirting with Dom, more openly then usual. With a laugh and a wave, I watched her move away from the table they were at and wander towards the back of the room, perhaps looking for a privy. I grinned and laughed to myself as she seemed to get lost on the way. Watching Keladry of Mindelan tipsy was something you didn't get to do every day. She turned and looked around the room, her eyes meeting mine.

"Owen!" Kel went to move towards me, but tripped in her haste. She giggled and stumbled into a table, then used it to propel herself forward. I straighten up and tried to balance better as she propped herself up between me and the wall. "I think…" She muttered, slightly slurred. "I think, I may have got a little carried away."

"You know, I really have _never _seem you like this before." I tried to keep the slight squeak out of my voice. Whether it was the drink, or my uncomfortable awareness of the warmth of Kel's body pressed against my side, I'm not sure.

"Ah little Owen, that is because I usually abstain from such lowly behaviour as getting drunk in some tavern with a bunch of ruffians. But Dom bought my drinks, how could I say no to his lovely eyes?" She giggled and leant forward to whisper in my ear. "I'm also fairly sure that you, little Owen, are just as drunk as I am!" I didn't think I was that drunk. Or at least, not as much as her. That lean seemed to be too much for Kel who, instead of righting herself, fell even further forward. I had to wrap my arms around her to hold her up. And that has led to my current predicament. Owen, you are _such_ a idiot.

I could have called someone over. Someone like her lover Dom who has every right to be holding her on his lap and looking down her shirt. I could have somehow manoeuvred her onto her own stool so I wouldn't have such an….interesting view. Owen, control yourself man, you most certainly will not look!

Besides, she's half passed out. Or fallen asleep. I shouldn't be taking advantage of her like this. She isn't awake enough to even notice I'm looking, let alone stop me. This is really quite perverted. But golly her neck is lovely, it's like it's drawing me down. Tempting me with the soft pale curves, to follow them, trace them down to her-Owen! Stop it! This is Kel. She's one of your best friends. You haven't thought abut her like this since that crush all those years ago.

Maybe I really am as drunk as Kel suggested, because right now I can't stop my eyes. I glance down and swallow heavily. Kel's head has tilted backwards, leaning against my shoulder. I hope the warmth of the tavern can disguise the colour rising in my cheeks. Kel's posture and her slightly loose and ever so slightly lower cut then usually top gives me a _very _interesting view. All the way to her breast band, in fact.

The thin chain of a charm against pregnancy hangs around her neck, trailing down and leading my eyes to where they should not look and my mind to some rather steamy thoughts of why she would need said charm. Argh! A charm against pregnancy is defiantly _not_ a turn on Owen, what are you thinking?

A soft tickling of her breath on my collarbone reminds me that if anyone sees this obviously scandalous seating arrangement of ours, they'll never let me live it down. Kel might not appreciate being told about it in the morning either. I don't want Kel to be mad at me. Curse it Owen, just look away. Pull up her shirt. Do something!

I swallow once more and pull my eyes away. The sleeping Kel moves unconsciously, her warm hand slipping from her lap to the leg she isn't occupying. Quite high up that leg actually. Slightly too high for comfort. Not that I particularly want her to move it. Gods, when did I get so perverted?

Kel mumbles something and moves again, slipping slightly downwards. I tighten my grip and pull her up. It's because I don't want her falling on the floor. It's defiantly not because I like how she feels on my lap. Not at all. And I especially don't like the view.

Not melons, no. But noticeable. Very noticeable.

"Ok…must fix up her top. Honourable thing to do." I mutter to myself. Kel, still oblivious to it all, sighs gently. I glace down once more and reach for the edge of her shirt, to pull it higher. As my fingers grip she moves slightly, turning more sideways and pressing her face into my neck. Now it looks like I'm tying to look on purpose! Oh Mithros protect me... Her breast band has slipped a little. I'm _so_ perverted. I should notlook. I will not look. Let go of the shirt and turn away Owen. But I just can't help it… My eyes widen and sweat breaks out on my forehead. Is that Kel's _ni-_

"OWEN!"

Shit. Dom. I'm dead.

"I- She fell! And I caught her! It's not what it looks like! I just.. She…err,.. her top was slipping! I didn't mean to look…but her melons! I mean- not melons! Er… please don't tell Kel…please…"

* * *

_Well, I'm not sure how it was to read, but it sure was fun to write. It feels a little sloppy and not perfectly right when I read it back (most stuff I write does sigh) but uni holidays are almost over so I felt like posting it before I run out of time. Any suggestions for improvement would be greatly appreciated! _

_Also I'm not sure what Kel would be wearing to provide such a view to our dear friend Owen… some sort of lose shirt…? For the sake of the story I just ask you to imagine it's likely she would be wearing something which would work. Thanks for reading. Please review!_

___Ps. This fic is dedicated to the biggest pervert I know _;-)


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